


Player Start

by summersatellite



Category: Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: F/M, Pokemon Sun & Moon Spoilers, also there is pure faba hatred, and doesn't wear pants in her house, anyway lusamine is less... threatening? i guess?, because if it doesn't make you laugh, because who fucking does that, everyone is less threatening, except for guzma's gun, gun warning, i have failed as a human being, i hope this story is funny, i would kill faba for one (1) corn chip, reader uses she/her pronouns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2020-07-27 19:34:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20051395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summersatellite/pseuds/summersatellite
Summary: One second you're in your bed eating tortilla chips, the next you're face-down on the crusty carpet of a suspiciously familiar mansion with some suspiciously familiar people. You need to get home before it's too late, but it won't be easy. After all, the only person in the world that's capable of helping you is probably the biggest pain in the ass you've ever met. And the worst part?He's really, really cute.





	1. Chapter 1

There were a lot of problems with the 3DS. Sometimes the lower screen wasn’t as responsive as it could have been, so you had to tap once or twice to select things. With an old 3DS like you had, if you were battling with more than one trainer at a time it would get laggy. As sturdy as your little handheld was, it still had its issues (and it was certainly a trooper for having lasted this many years in your possession, albeit not without some minor damage). This issue, however, was foreign to you. And, judging by its effects, you doubted a call to Nintendo customer service was going to resolve anything. They probably hadn’t ever gotten this complaint before.

Most handheld consoles never _ eat _ their users.

Okay, to be fair, it didn’t exactly eat you. You were just sitting on your bed, scarfing down a meal you’d definitely forgotten to eat that day and resetting your save file so you could do your umpteenth playthrough of _ Pokémon Moon _. It wasn’t like you had anything better to do at 4 AM on a Tuesday, anyways. Reset, select language, blah blah blah. Half focusing on the passing police sirens outside, you scooped up a mass of black beans on a lime tortilla chip and tapped “Begin game”.

_ Your settings have been saved. _

The yellow camera icon began to pulse at the top right of the screen, and you continued onward, having almost memorized the opening text.

_ You have a message from the Alola region’s own &--f=ir3.2 ,,93ie _! _

“The fuck?” you muttered to yourself, swallowing down a bite of your dinner (breakfast?). You didn’t even have to know that the text should have said Professor Kukui to know something was up. Should you reset your console? No, that wouldn’t help, it was probably the cartridge that was getting all wonky on you. Maybe it’d fix itself. You clicked forward, watching the text box disappear as the faux video chat window popped open, fully expecting to see the same little cutscene of the camera struggling to focus on Kukui adjusting the camera. But you didn’t. It stayed pitch black.

_ Han03g on.. , now. Gi1mme jus_6 tt t a sec. _

Okay, there was something definitely wrong with the cartridge. There wasn’t even the dramatic, upbeat chanting music playing. You pressed down on the power button, waiting for the game to close. You tried again, pressing harder since the button was so little it was a pain in the ass to use sometimes. Still, it stayed open.

_ Hey there! Good evening! So th edayhasfin allycom e th at 82nm, 5 fe,, s e veral islands cho oo32,3 rare Pokém0n, yeah_,,! _

It was skipping dialogue, running off the screen. You weren’t pressing the buttons, but chat boxes were opening and closing of their own accord, and you noticed that the handheld was getting kind of hot to the touch. Sometimes your phone would do that, but never your 3DS. Eyebrows furrowed, you reached around the back of the console and tried to pop the cartridge out, but it wouldn’t press down. You felt a chill of fear shoot down your spine- wasn’t this how most of those haunted cartridge creepypastas started?

No. That’s silly. You almost felt embarrassed for letting your malfunctioning handheld spook you. But still… it was a little concerning. You were distracted from your ponderings as the screen froze and flashed white, empty except for a buffering icon.

_ Connecting… _

For a moment you felt relief; it must be sending a report to Nintendo. You hadn’t ever seen it do that before, but then again you had never seen it get so screwed up before, either. You waited patiently for a good thirty seconds, watching the grey circle spin in place, before a loud mechanical screech boomed from the handheld’s tiny speakers. You jumped and nearly screamed, knocking your plate out of your lap and face-down onto the floor. _ Oh for- even with the volume all the way up I’ve never heard that little thing make a noise that loud. _

You were just a second from getting up to clean the black beans out of your carpet when another much louder noise blared from the 3DS, causing you to bolt straight up and slam your head against your headboard. The hit was so hard your vision went blurry for a minute, and in your haste to get your bearings you felt your foot hit your device, sending it and the loud, almost dial-up like noise crashing to the floor.

“Holy shit,” you mumbled, rolling off your bed and gripping the duvet for stability. Was it just you or was everything shaking?

As the rumbling grew louder and louder, you began to doubt that a mild concussion was the reason you felt like the ground was shaking beneath you. Still disoriented, you whipped your head around and assessed the room- your pencils were rattling in the tin on your desk, the chains of your fan clinked against the lights as they swung back and forth, the blinds on your window were beginning to sway. An earthquake? Right now? This had to be a coincidence, this couldn’t be connected. Right?

It was growing harder to believe as the modem noises grew louder and louder. You flinched as your lamp tumbled to the floor, and stumbled over to the doorway, flinging your door open to stand in the threshold. That’s what you were supposed to do during an earthquake- or, well, that’s probably what you were supposed to do. You gripped the doorframe tighter as you heard pots and pans tumbling to the floor, echoing through the hallways. Somewhere outside somebody was yelling, and there was a veritable orchestra of car alarms and dog barks seeping in through your windows. You turned back to look into your room, seeing the lights flicker and feeling the blood drain out of your face.

And then it stopped.

All of a sudden, the shaking stopped. The ground was still. There was no rumbling, and even your malfunctioning handheld was silent. Somewhat faintly, you could hear people’s front doors opening as people began to mill out into the street, filling the air with panicked murmurs. One by one the car alarms shut off, the panicked cries of children and pets were soothed to mere whimpers, and you shuffled back into your room. Collapsing against the side of your bed, you slid down it, pulling your knees to your chest. Swallowing hard, your eyes flicked to the 3DS lying deathly silent beside you. Logically, you knew it had nothing to do with what just happened. It couldn’t have caused an earthquake. But… something in your gut told you otherwise.

Partly to prove yourself wrong and partly to soothe yourself, you picked the device up, holding it up and observing the little gray smiley face that occupied the top screen. You tapped A, and nearly jumped when a calm, mechanical voice chirped at you.

“Connection established! Have a nice trip!”

“What the f-”

That was the last syllable you got out before a blinding flash of pure light shot out of the screen, sucking you in, leaving nobody in the room to clean up your carpet.

* * *

You didn’t register feeling or seeing anything at all until a split second later you were flying in the air, eyes wide open but moving too quickly to comprehend what you were seeing. You felt your back slam into what you assumed was a wall, face-planted into the corner of something soft, and came to a stop as your body landed on the floor in fetal position. Groaning, you squeezed your eyes shut, trying to make sense of the shadows over your eyelids and the voices shouting nearby, making your head spin.

You reached back and rubbed the sore spot on your head, pushing yourself up onto your forearms and feeling your head do a 360 spin on your shoulders. The voices weren’t going away, and they were arguing. _ Are auditory hallucinations a symptom of a concussion? Or am I dead and those are angels? Can angels argue? That doesn’t seem very godly. _

Eyes still closed, you let your hand lift from the ground to lightly pat the back of your shorts, looking for your phone with the intent to google “concussion symptoms”. A solid thirty seconds of buffering passed before you realized you weren’t wearing any shorts. Beginning the ever-so-familiar routine of blindly patting the floor around you, your eyes slipped halfway open, sweeping around the area lazily. You were wedged between a wall and what looked like a bed with a green duvet on it. The bed was crooked enough that there was a large gap between it and the wall, allowing you to sit inside. That was weird, you didn’t remember redecorating. Oh, of course, this wasn’t your room. Huh.

Your eyes flew wide open, and you bolted up (and immediately regretted it as you nearly collapsed to the floor again from the sheer dizziness). Ratty pink carpet, ancient red rug with gold trim, old-fashioned pink wallpaper peeling up from the crown molding. No, you didn’t live here. Thank God, because it smelled like weed and axe body spray. On that note, nobody you knew had a room like this in their house, either. Where were you? Using the bed for stability, you pulled yourself up and looked around the room.

It was poorly lit, littered with bottles and cans of every shape and size and damaged looking rich people decor. The walls were marked with busted drywall, peeling paper and stains of indeterminate origin, and the closet had a straight up hole punched through it. _ Is this what a crack den looks like? _ There was a huge red chest overflowing with tiny green crystals, sitting next to what appeared to be two overturned armoires that acted as a makeshift platform for a heavily beaten up purple armchair, two small tables, and a laptop. The window behind the chair- wait, that wasn’t a window. Correction: the large painting behind the chair was so covered in neon graffiti you could barely even tell what it was. You squinted, trying to remember why it looked so familiar when your mouth went completely dry. This whole room looked pretty familiar now that you thought about it, although a little shittier than you remember, but the large magenta symbol painted messily across the wall was the cherry on top. You had to be dreaming. Of course you were dreaming.

“You are_ such _ a useless moron, Guz- who are you?” A calculating, PTA mom-type voice addressed you. You didn’t want to look.

“Yo, who the fuck’re you?” You would have continued staring slack-jawed at what you _ knew _ had to be the throne, too scared to look at a voice that you’d never heard but knew so well, but you felt yourself turn and look. It was them. _ It was them. _

She looked just as cold and sterile as you expected. Like she didn’t belong in a room like this. Oddly enough, that impossible-to-replicate anime hair looked almost exactly the same as it did in the game. It didn’t look weird or unnatural, either, just a little styled. The bad vibes you got playing on your 3DS were multiplying tenfold as she scowled at you, eyes looking a little too wild and hands a little too shaky to be entirely stable. Not particularly enjoying the sickening green glare, you looked a little to the left and saw him.

He looked a little more tired than he did in the games- although, to be fair, playing something on a small screen was entirely different from standing six feet away from them. He was half-dressed- _ nice _ \- with hair that needed both a brushing and a root touch up. He did look tired, but the bags under his eyes weren’t all that bad, it just looked more like he had suddenly been woken up, which would make sense given the no-shirt, saggy sweatpants look he had going on. So that meant he must actually wear eyeshadow under his eyes to make him look more tired. _ I guess those fics were right then. Dork. _

“You listenin’? The hell did you come from?” he demanded, reaching behind his back to whip out a-

“Fuck, dude, chill!” You couldn’t stop the words from leaving your mouth as you stare down the barrel of a glock. Why would Guzma be pointing a gun at you? Well, it wasn’t like you didn’t joke about him having a gun all the time, but you didn’t _ actually _ expect it to manifest in your dreams. You shut your eyes, trying to reset, before opening them again. Nope, still at gunpoint. If this was a lucid dream you obviously had no say in how it was going to go down.

“How did you get- wait, wait…” Lusamine trailed off, slimming her eyes and studying you very carefully. You felt your blood run absolutely cold when she quietly murmured a name you would never expect her to know. How could she know your name? 

“You came to the Aether Foundation yesterday- the creature from the other world pulled you into the wormhole,” she said, face lighting up in a way that would be endearing if she didn’t look absolutely feral. “Did you see the beasts? What was the Ultra Space like? Tell me- Guzma, put your damn toy away- tell me what you saw there!”

Reluctantly, Guzma shifted his gaze from the president to you, back to the president, and carefully tucked his gun back into his pants. His glare made your stomach jump into your throat, but it seemed he was equally as uncomfortable with the extended staredown, as he was the one to break it by huffing loudly and running his hand through his hair. Warily, you lowered your hands, and Lusamine guided her stilettos carefully around the various areas of broken glass and discarded clothes to scurry up to the bed. Excitedly, she began to lean down on the bed to settle her weight over it, but quickly retracted her hands, thinking better of touching the haphazardly pushed back sheets. Instead, she clasped them together, looking at you with a mix of mania and desperation.

“Tell me everything!”

You paused for a moment, mouth like a desert. _ Came to the Aether Foundation yesterday- no, no I wasn’t… I was in my dimension yesterday! And every day before that! _Lusamine’s smile faltered, her displeasure with your silence apparent.

“Tell me you saw the Ultra Space, you’ve been gone for an entire day!” she complained, but you shook your head. You knew what the Ultra Space looked like- at least, in theory you did- and you hadn’t passed through there since you left home.

“Uh, no, if I did I don’t remember it. Listen, I think there’s been a misunderstanding-”

“You didn’t see any of it? At all?” _ Don’t cut me off, bitch. _

“No, I was only in that wormhole for a second, I didn’t stop anywhere. Listen to me, I wasn’t at the Aether-”

“The lab did say that time might pass differently in the wormholes. If it was that little time, the time difference must be immense… that information may prove useful,” she pondered aloud, interrupting you yet again. Was she really this blatant of an asshole or was she just oblivious? 

“... Are you sure that I was at Aether Paradise yesterday? Like, one hundred percent sure that was me?”

Lusamine gave you an odd look, then smiled. It was a chilling grin, shark-toothed and carnivorous.

“I’m sure that the trip must have been disorienting. You look rather… pale, dear. Maybe you should sit down- or, uh, maybe you shouldn’t.” Lusamine looked dubiously at the messy bedsheets.

“Ay, that’s clean!” Guzma protested, a little pink in the face. Taking his word for it (after all, you were feeling a little faint), you got on top of the absolutely enormous bed and crawled across to the other side, tucking your hands in your lap and keeping a safe distance from Lusamine.

“Oh! I had Faba bring your items that got left behind when you were sucked into the wormhole. Guzma, go get them from him,” she commanded sternly, and while Guzma nodded obediently, the second she turned her back he made a face of disgust and trudged out the door. At least he felt the same way about Faba as you did.

“H-how did you know I was going to show up here?” you asked suspiciously, and Lusamine cheerily waved her hands.

“Oh, it’s a mother’s intuition! Well, I don’t have any children, but I am rather motherly,” she chuckled to herself, and a chill ran down your spine. No children? Yeah right, you psychopath. “I’ve had Faba carry your things around with him for safekeeping. You’re lucky you appeared back here, how terrible would it have been to have gotten stranded in another dimension!”

“Uh, yeah, that sounds really scary,” you agreed, unnerved by her villainous giggle, wondering how the hell you were planning on making it out of here.

“Hm,” Lusamine fell quiet, contemplatively crossing her arms. “If you only saw a tiny bit of the wormhole, I don’t see much of a point in taking you back to Aether Paradise for any testing. You’d have to change first, anyway. It looks like some things went missing on your way here.”

“What- oh.” You pulled your worn t-shirt a little farther down, feeling your face heat up. Who wears pants in their own house? It wasn’t like you had expected to be sucked into a video game! Speaking of, you should probably tell her you weren’t from this dimension at all. If she’d quit interrupting you. “I think I should clear some things up-”

“I have your bag,” Guzma announced, cutting you off by slamming the door open and tossing you a plain black messenger bag. You jumped at his loud intrusion, and scrambled to hold the bag on your lap.

“Be gentle! Can’t you see how shaken up she is?” Lusamine scolded, and Guzma muttered an almost comically childish apology.

You looked at the bag- a little heavy, but light enough to carry around practically. Ignoring Lusamine’s rambling about the Ultra Space, you opened it and peered inside. _ Holy shit, real pokéballs! _At the bottom of the bag, past a change of clothes, were five pokéballs rolling around, cushioned by a folded shirt. And there was a pair of shorts! Before you could get the chance to pull them on, though, you noticed something hanging off the side. Wait. No way. No goddamn way.

It was small enough to fit in the palm of your hand, made of wood, leather, and painted wooden beads. An unmistakable symbol of Pokémon lore. An icon of Alolan culture. 

An island challenge amulet.

“Why did I come to Aether Paradise yesterday?” you asked quietly, interrupting Lusamine’s near rant.

“Faba asked you, of course. You and that sweet Hau boy came to our Paradise to tour the facilities when that wormhole opened and a beast came out and took you back with it. I spoke with Kahuna Hala today, it seems that everyone will be overjoyed at your return. Professor Kukui and Hau have been worried sick about you, he says. Apparently the poor boy hasn’t left his room since he came home! What a poor thing…” she tutted, shaking her head and holding a hand over her heart. You would have scoffed at the display of uncharacteristic empathy if you weren’t so absolutely paralyzed.

You had an island challenge amulet. You went to Aether Paradise with Hau when a wormhole opened. Why did that sound so familiar… oh, no.

_ They think you’re the player character, you dumbass! _

Lusamine must just be confused! She’s totally insane, anyway, and if you thought about it at this point in the game you hadn’t met Guzma yet, so he wouldn’t know better. But weren’t you much too old to be on the island challenge? You were hardly eleven. Yeah, none of this made sense- you were right to think it was a dream. How were you supposed to wake up?

Somewhat dazed, you slung the bag over your shoulder and stood up. What were the signs you were dreaming? Check that your feet are on the ground? Or, wait, maybe it was look in a mirror. Or it was look at a clock…

“Are you quite alright? You should sit down, dear, you look rather ill,” Lusamine fretted, sounding almost genuine. Almost. “Is there something wrong?”

You looked between Guzma’s apathetic glare and Lusamine’s concerned one, and immediately felt sick. Quick, say something, say anything!

“Lu- uh, Miss Lusamine, why are you at the Shady House?”

Shit, wait, don’t say that!

All the color drained from Lusamine’s already pale face, eyes looking particularly striking as they blew wide open and her mouth hung ajar. The corner of Guzma’s mouth ticked up in a nervous smile. Their eyes met for a split second, silently sharing a familiar message: _ we done fucked up. _

“Well, uh, y’know, Madam Prez was just-”

“Guzma, you moron, don’t call me that! Er, what he meant was that I was just, um-”

You began to back up slowly, inching towards the open door as the two frantically attempted to explain themselves. Was this really the menace that you had imagined while playing through the games? Some crazy rich lady and a sweaty guy with a gun?

“Never mind, I’m gonna go, actually, uh, thanks for the stuff!” you called, turning heel and bolting out the door, slamming it behind you. You had no time to breathe as the moment you turned around, a familiar nasty lima bean man was eyeing you curiously.

“Why, hello again- where are your pants?”

“Excuse me!”

He fell back with a shocked huff as you shot past him, pushing aside various grunts and making fast for the giant hole in the wall. You heard Lusamine’s voice screech as a door flew open behind you. You had almost made it when a team of grunts stepped in front of you, causing you to skid to a halt. You looked to your right and saw the wall of trash that had prevented you from just walking to Guzma’s room normally in-game. You could hear Lusamine’s frantic squawking growing closer.

Thinking quickly, you launched yourself up onto the wall of garbage, ignoring the grunts’ shouts of surprise and displeasure, and scrambled over. You slipped on an empty spray paint can at the top, tumbling down to the floor (on the opposite side, thankfully). How much head trauma were you going to be subjected to, today? You had no time to ponder it as a deep, gravelly voice barked an order from beyond the wall.

“You useless grunts, go get her!”

Within a second you were up on your feet again, stumbling and sprinting as fast as you could. Before you could make it past the hall, another team of grunts appeared, sending you running in the only other direction you could: out on the balcony. It was only when you stepped foot into the pouring rain that you realized you’d let yourself get cornered again. For real this time.

“Be nice ‘n quit runnin’, pal, y’ain’t making this easy,” a grunt behind you growled, and you spun around and felt the railing hit your back, swallowing hard as grunts approached you from either end of the balcony. You jumped as the grunts to your right raucously ordered the others to make way for “the Boss and Madam Prez”.

The rain felt a couple degrees colder as you heard the planks leading to Guzma’s room creak, two sets of footsteps growing closer. One was precise and unhurried, the other loud and angry. Lusamine approached, holding a white umbrella that you’d never seen before, but then again you couldn’t really imagine her standing in the rain either, even if Lillie told you she’d done it. Guzma glowered behind her, seeming even bigger than he had been before, and you froze as he reached behind him. To you relief, Lusamine shook her head, and he dropped his hand.

“Nobody’ll know if she’s dead, Madam Prez, nobody even knows she’s back in our dimension. She’s seen too much,” he argued, and you felt your blood run cold as she seemingly considered it.

“That’s true,” she admitted. “But killing her _ here _ is a bad idea. I’ll do it after we take her back to Aether Paradise for testing.”

“Testing…?” You had no desire to find out what kind of twisted experiment she had in mind. Quickly, you looked around, assessing your situation. Legions of grunts to your left, to your right, and in front of you. Back to the railing. There was only one way out, but as you looked behind you down at the ground so very far below you, your only chance at escape wasn’t looking so good.

“Guzma, subdue her.” Lusamine ordered, all shred of previous empathy dissolved into thin air, and you felt your stomach jump into your throat as the boss grew closer.

Honestly, you’d had a little crush on Guzma since you finished your first playthrough. He was so endearing, and definitely a fan favorite, so how could you not? Who can resist a tall, strong, bad boy with a heart of gold? Even now, as he hovered above you, looking less like a person and more like a giant, you couldn’t help but flush. Maybe it was the adrenaline, but something about the way he was looking at you with wet hair hanging in his focused, steely dark gray eyes was… kinda hot. Especially considering his state of partial undress- man, those sweatpants were hanging _ low _ low.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” he growled, smirk sending shivers down your spine. Whoops, you were staring. Not like you could look at anything else, though. “Come on, doll, you’re comin’ with me.”

You flinched as he grabbed your arm, and instinctively tried to pull away, only to realize he was a lot stronger than you. He looked lowkey kinda jacked, and apparently it wasn’t just for show.

“Hey Guzma?” He blinked, smirk falling. Maybe he wasn’t used to being addressed by soon-to-be lab rats.

“Uh, yeah?”

“I’m _ really _ sorry about this.”

“What’re you- fuck!” It was finally your turn to cut him off, kneeing him in the balls as hard as you could, leaving him coughing and spluttering backwards. You heard your audience of grunts cringe, even hearing a few hisses and a _ yikes _, but it had the intended effect, and you were freed from Guzma’s hold. He fell to his knees, gasping for air and cradling his junk.

“Why do I have to do everything myself!” Lusamine declared, marching up to you, face an unsightly red. You didn’t hesitate, knocking her block off the second she was within punching range. You probably wouldn’t have landed the hit had she been expecting it, and the pure bewilderment on her face melted into rage. _ I don’t have much time. Now or never. _

Trying not to shake, you hopped up on the railing, dodging Guzma’s halfhearted swipes at your legs and standing up on unstable legs.

“There’s no way out, just give up!” Lusamine crowed, swiping away the grunts that attempted to help her to her feet. Guzma glared at you, and you nervously smiled. _ Hey, I said I was sorry. _

“Time to find out if I’m dreaming,” you announced, trying your best to stay jovial so you wouldn’t chicken out. Guzma’s brow creased, confusion washing over him, before his eyes flew open and he sputtered. He seemed genuinely scared. It was almost enough to make you get down.

But, before you could change your mind, you squeezed your eyes closed, said a Hail Mary, and jumped.


	2. Chapter 2

You didn’t realize how high up you were until you jumped.

There was that familiar, panicky feeling as the balcony got farther away and the ground got much closer, and the paralyzing anxiety that comes with the realization that the fall was taking longer than you expected and you were going faster than you thought you would. And, worst of all, you weren’t waking up. Knowing impact was imminent, your mouth opened in a scream that never quite left your throat, and you braced for a landing you knew you likely wouldn’t live through.

Something rumbled in your bag, and suddenly light flashed from beyond your tightly shut eyes and a pair of talons hooked under your arms. The very breath from your lungs was stolen as you felt your body shoot sharply upwards, toes just barely scraping the ground as your eyes flew open. Wait, why were you going up?

Squinting your eyes against the slowly increasing rain, you looked at the sharp talons wrapped firmly around and under your shoulders. A little up, and… well, this certainly was unexpected.

It was, without a doubt, a Decidueye. You could only see the tip of a beak, since its face was well hidden in its leafy cloak, but the wide tawny wings and soft snowy underbelly had you convinced. You knew that Decidueye was big, but once again seeing it in person and seeing it on the screen of your 3DS were two different things. With just a few flaps of its wings, it lifted you high into the air, and you felt the rain pelting you a little harder as your speed increased. If your extra weight bothered it, it didn’t show it.

You looked down, halfway between shock and relief, and saw the balcony. You spotted Guzma, still on the ground, pale as a sheet and staring at you with an open mouth. Lusamine looked just about the same, although as he remained still she sprung up and slithered to the railing, hanging over its edge and pounding on its stony surface.

“You- you can’t fly here!” she cried, struggling to be heard over the pounding rain. “I’m gonna come get you, watch your back!”

You just stared blankly back, struggling to comprehend the series of events that had just taken place. In a moment of adrenaline fueled delirium, you felt a smile spread across your face and you spluttered out a choked giggle. Lusamine’s face reddened, and you could swear that there was steam rising off her face. She screeched and howled at you, but the combination of the storm and your frantic laughter drowned her out.

“Yeehaw, motherfucker, I  _ lived!” _ you shrieked, laughter pouring out alongside tears and hiccups. You barely even registered the words that spilled out of you. “I’ll watch my back for sure! Come and get me you batty old bitch!”

As you flew off, whooping and hollering in a half-conscious haze, you turned your face up to the sky, letting what rain hit your face wash away tears full of panic and relief.

* * *

“Quit looking at me like that.” A frown crossed your face as you tucked your legs beneath you, shielding your new shorts from the slightly wet grass. You weren’t really sure where the bird had brought you, and you were even less sure why it was scowling at you like that. It looked strangely indignant.

It twittered to itself and then cawed so loudly you thought it scared some of the neighboring birds out of the trees. You jumped, knocking your head against the tree you were resting against (the amount of head trauma you were going through to today was  _ unbelievable _ ). Decidueye continued to stare at you, round owl-ish eyes almost… teary? Now that you thought about it, pokémon were weird to look at in real life. Decidueye wasn’t a scary looking pokémon by any means, but seeing it up-close was a little distressing. You weren’t ready to see a Muk face-to-face, not by a long shot.

Decidueye squawked loudly again, ruffling its feathers and leaning in to hover in front of your face. Like it was angry with you.

“Uh, I’m sorry?”

Its feathers smoothed slightly, but it didn’t look any less upset. In fact, if owls could cry (you’d have to google that), it certainly looked like it was about to. Wait, hold up. Was it worried about you when you jumped? No wonder it left its ball to save you.

“I won’t do it again.”

That seemed to satisfy it, sort of, and it leapt forward to nestle underneath your chin, chirping profusely. Hesitantly, you wrapped your arms around it, unsure of whether to soothe it like a child or like an animal. You didn’t have much time to make up your mind as it sniffled and adjusted your hair with its beak in a fretting, motherly way, and then unzipped your messenger bag to poke around inside.

“What are you-?” You were cut short as it pulled a small folded piece of paper out and dropped it in your lap. Curious, you began to unfold it, only to see a list of names and profiles written in a childish scrawl. Percival, Snapdragon, Blitz, Princess, Anthrax… geez, one of these is  _ not  _ like the other. “So your name is Percival?”

Percival chittered cheerfully, apparently pleased to hear its name spoken again. It still struck you as strange, though. This wasn’t your team. These weren’t their names. If this wasn’t your save file, whose was it? And why did everyone seem to think you were them?

“You know I’m not your trainer, right?” Percival tilted its head owlishly, looking at you as though he couldn’t quite understand what you were saying. “I’m not from this dimension. I didn’t write this, your trainer did.”

You showed him the paper, pointing to its name. Any hope you had of him recognizing that he wasn’t yours disintegrated as he affectionately nuzzled your hand. Even if he was very intelligent, he was still an animal. It would seem that the multiverse theory was beyond its grasp. Sighing and setting the issue aside, you popped the bag open to stuff in the paper back inside, only to be knocked back by four pokemon simultaneously releasing themselves to jump you and smother you in affection.

“Hold on, hold- ouch!” You felt something prick your hand and noticed a spiny purple and blue mass jump back, looking less apologetic and more annoyed. “Holy shit.”

It was a Mareanie! Somehow smaller than you expected, but still honestly a little creepy. Those beady little yellow eyes were so much more endearing in the games… but that must be Princess. And the Arbok wrapped almost all the way around your body (holy shit, how big was this snake?) must be Anthrax, and the Salandit perched on its head must be Snapdragon. And that meant that Blitz was the absolutely adorable Pikachu trying its very best to wrap its tiny mouse arms around your much bigger torso. You cracked a smile at the sight, relieved that at least Detective Pikachu had partially prepared you for what you were seeing today. Thank God whoever their trainer was didn’t have a Lickitung.

“Anthrax, could you stop doing that? I can’t breathe,” you squeaked, and the snake blinked at you before sheepishly unwinding itself and coiling up beside you. Princess snobbishly scanned the grass next to you before somehow rolling its eyes and settling down. You’d never interacted with a pokémon in real life before, but you could practically feel the good vibes rolling off them. They had been stuck in their pokéballs for a day, at least according to what Lusamine said, and they were probably worried sick about their trainer- well, worried sick about you, kind of. You felt a smile flicker onto your face as Blitz pushed its way under your hand, practically demanding pets, and you happily obliged. The small smile faltered as a thought occurred to you.

Well, what now?

You were stranded here, that was for sure. Lusamine said herself that Aether only had the technology to see where a wormhole  _ might _ open, and even then it wasn’t very accurate. And, even if a wormhole opened in front of you right now, there was no guarantee that it would take you back to the right place. In the game you could only travel between this dimension and the Ultra Space, but a wormhole ended up in your dimension. If you jumped into any old portal, who knows where you’d end up? And that wasn’t even your most pressing issue.

More immediate was the threat of Lusamine herself. Well, her and her affiliates. If they caught you, they’d presumably McMurder you on the spot for knowing about the Aether Foundation and Team Skull’s little partnership. And they’d get away with it too, seeing as nobody even knew you were here besides them. You lacked connections, and that might get you killed. Or, considering it was Lusamine, worse.

“Come on guys, back in your balls,” you sighed, standing up and dusting yourself off. It was time to go make some connections.

* * *

After some struggling to find out how exactly to use a ride pager and a terrifying, high speed Charizard ride (holy shit, that dragon was  _ enormous  _ in person), you found yourself parked right in front of what you could only assume was the player’s house.  _ Well, time to go find Kukui, I guess. _

Before you could even move from your spot, you heard a shrill, prepubescent shriek of joy and whipped your head around to see a brown and orange blur running at you at a speed that was quickly reaching mach one. It slammed into you with the force of about eighteen to thirty six apples, sending you both hurtling a few feet before you landed with a loud thump and a lot of mildly concerning cracking noises. You laid on the ground for a few moments trying to force air back into your lungs before realizing that the lump wrapping its body around you was sniffling.

“Hey, are you…?” You trailed off, trying to ignore the searing pain in several appendages. It was easier to set aside as a familiar face unburied itself from your shoulder, sniffling and shaking. “Oh my God, Hau!”

“I’m so- you’re okay! I was- we were so- you disappeared and I couldn’t even help you, and- and- and-” he stammered, tears beginning to stream down his rounded cheeks. You felt every caregiver instinct in your body go haywire as you instantly sat up and soothed him, patting his back and tutting as he failed to string together a coherent sentence. You heard your name called and instantly perked up, looking into the distance. A man in a lab coat stood quite a ways away (how far did Hau just run?) waving and beaming at you beside a much larger man in bright yellow. Kukui and Hala.

“Uh, hi!” you called, unsure of what to do. They jogged up to you, faces lit up with joy.

“Cuz! You’re okay!” Kukui exclaimed, tugging you up from the ground and hugging you like he was trying to suffocate you, knocking Hau to the ground

“Let her down, Kukui, she’s been through enough already! And be careful with my grandson,” Hala advised sagely, much to your relief. The professor quickly let you down, and Hau quietly picked himself off the ground and latched onto your hand. You hadn’t remembered Hau being this clingy, but then again, he was a child. He must have been absolutely terrified when his friend got sucked into a wormhole; you felt a sudden wave of sympathy for Gladion and Lillie. It was so easy to forget how young they all were.

“Uh, can we talk?” you blurted out, and Hala raised an eyebrow. Kukui seemed to take it in stride though, and smiled broadly.

“Of course! We need to hear about how you got here, anyway. Wait, uh- do you need to go to a hospital or anything?” His face dropped as he asked that last part, almost as if he was just now considering that you might be seriously hurt. When you assured him that you were fine, he seemed to brighten, and quickly escorted you to the lab. As you walked inside, you felt a pinprick of anxiety in the back of your mind. How were you supposed to tell them that you weren’t the player? They’d been so worried about them, and now you had to tell them that you weren’t the person they’d been waiting for?  _ I guess I’d better rip this band-aid off quick. _

“Guys, I need to tell you that I’m not actually-” As soon as Kukui turned to look at you, there was a loud crash somewhere below you. His face warped with alarm, and he whipped his head in the direction of the noise.

“Uh, I should check that out- be right back!” Kukui raced off down the stairs at a surprising speed. The three of you stood in the entryway, listening to his muffled, alarmed voice as he tried to quiet the various distressed pokemon crying. Hala cleared his throat, taking the initiative to gesture to the living room.

“Have a seat, have a seat, you must be very tired,” he coaxed, gently ushering you to sit on the couch. You did so anxiously, scooting over so Hau would have room to sit at your side. “When did you get back to our world?”

You paused, opening your mouth and then shutting it again. Should you tell them about how you warped into the Shady House? About Lusamine? She was going to kill you for it, and the more you looked at Hau and his grandfather, the less that you cared that they were technically strangers. You didn’t want them getting hurt because they knew something they shouldn’t have. It wasn’t fair to them.

“I, uh, came out of another wormhole and it dumped me in the middle of a beach somewhere. I’m lucky I had a ride pager, huh?” you laughed, anxiously adjusting your bag. Hala seemed to take the statement at face value- either that or he didn’t want to press it- and nodded. “Listen, I hate to say this, but I’m not-”

“Rockruff, put it down! Put it down! Bad boy!” Kukui’s voice was loud and getting louder, and you saw a little fluffy blur scamper out of the basement with something in its mouth, closely followed by its owner’s heavy footsteps. The Rockruff sped around, running in your direction before skidding to a halt. It looked left and right for an escape, but it was too late- Kukui came up behind it and swept it up with ease, plucking the red something from its growling mouth.

“You okay there, Rotom?” he asked, and you craned your neck to get a better look.

“I think a few of my circuitzzz came loozzze,  _ zzt _ ,” a mechanical yet childlike voice admitted. Rotom, like a Rotom Dex? You didn’t have a chance to ask as it floated out of the professor’s hand, bobbing and dipping (presumably due to its loose circuits), before spinning halfway around and spying you. It suddenly emitted a chipper tone, before whizzing around and clumsily crashing directly into your chest. “You’re back,  _ zzt!” _

“Actually, I’m-” You barely got out four syllables this time before the lights flickered and the television turned on of its own accord, blaring a grating yet oddly familiar mechanical screech before flashing a number of colors and shutting off. The now dark room was stunned into silence, and Hau hesitantly reached for the remote. He clicked it on, but nothing happened. He tried again and it went just as well; in fact, none of the buttons worked.

“Could it be power surge?” Hala asked, but Kukui shook his head.

“Power… oh no, my computer!” Kukui turned a shade paler and dropped the Rockruff in his grasp, who thankfully landed on its feet, and ran back down the stairs to check on his files. You felt for him, but you were so frustrated! At the Shady House, Lusamine kept getting in the way of you telling the truth. Now it’s just disaster after disaster every single time! It’s like the plot demanded it, or something! But it wasn’t like it could be happening on purpose. That would be ridiculous.

Totally couldn’t happen.

It wasn’t happening on purpose.

... Right?

The idea that some “force” bigger than yourself was preventing you from taking the easy way out wasn’t as out of left field as it originally sounded. It wasn’t all that crazy compared to the fact that you’d been sucked into the Pokémon universe by a magic wormhole, and that everyone apparently thought you were the player. It was a hypothesis that needed further testing, but it merited thought. Based on the amount of fanfiction you’d read, you could only assume the only way out was to play through the entire game as the player character. It made sense logically, too- the only creature that might be able to bring you home would be Solgaleo or Lunala, and you’d have to get almost to the end of the game to encounter it. You prayed you hadn’t already screwed the story up too badly by finding out about Lusamine and Team Skull’s partnership too early.

You watched Hau and Hala discuss what the source of the power situation might be, and sighed. This was all so crazy. If you were somehow trapped in a shitty fanfic as payback for your sins in life, you were ready throw hands with whatever asshole wrote it. But there was no choice, really; there was only one way to get home, at least until a new option arose. You nearly chuckled to yourself as a thought occurred to you.  _ If this really is a fanfic, I wonder who my love interest is supposed to be? _

Hau? No, you were  _ way _ too old for him. Judging by the ring, Kukui was still married, so it probably wasn’t him (unless the author was into that kind of thing). Colress, or something? No, no, he hadn’t shown up yet, and usually love interests present themselves at the beginning of the story. You could only hope it wasn’t Hala, or god forbid Lusamine. Well, that left one more person that you’d met so far, so maybe your love interest was-

“Silly idea,” you muttered to yourself, face darkening a little. Hau glanced at you questioningly, and you shook your head in assurance. Silly train of thought. Silly, silly, silly. Despite your adamant internal dismissal of the concept, you still felt your face heat up a little. Stupid crush.

“Hau, my memory is a little fuzzy,” you began, eager to get a certain bug boy off the brain. “Lusa- I mean, _ I _ think it might be a side effect of the wormhole. Can you remind me of what’s happened since I came to Alola?”

“Well,” Hau was uncharacteristically quiet, but he sounded much less panicked. “You moved into that house over there a few months ago. You said your great-aunt left the house to you in her will, or something like that. The professor said he wanted you to get to know Alola better, and even though it was pretty late for you to be doing your island trials, it was permitted because you’d been blessed by Tapu Koko when you- wait, where’s your Z-Ring?”

Hau pointed to your noticeably vacant wrist, and you stared blankly back at him. You could only hope that it wasn’t still with the actual player character.

“I think I saw it in my bag somewhere…” you muttered, digging around before pulling out a familiar white bracelet. You looked to the boy, and saw with a smile that he was looking at it rather fondly. He put his hand out, and you paused only a moment before handing the bracelet over.

“You were on a bridge protecting Lillie’s pokémon when it collapsed and Tapu Koko rescued you. It even left you a sparkling stone, and that convinced Tutu and everyone else that you needed to do your island trials. If Tapu Koko hadn’t saved you, you could have died,” Hau’s slight smile faltered. He forced it back onto his face, but his worried eyes and furrowed brows gave him away. “You sure get into trouble a lot, huh?”

“I don’t think I’m going to get into any more trouble like that anytime soon,” you reassured, patting his shoulder. “In fact, I should probably get back to the island challenge before any other disasters can happen.”

“W-wait, are you sure you don’t want to rest for a little while first?” Hau asked rather anxiously, catching Kukui’s- who had emerged from the basement looking less panicked than he had going in- attention.

“Hau’s right,” he admitted. “As much as I can understand wanting to get back to work, you need to take some time off.”

“Nah, I’m good,” you reiterated firmly, waving your hand. “My head’s a little fuzzy, but it’s nothing that a good night’s sleep can’t fix. I promise, it feels like I’ve only been gone a few seconds. I wanna get back to it.”

Hala looked at the professor, and neither of them seemed particularly eager to give in to your request. Even Hau looked apprehensive. But you needed to get home as soon as possible; who knows how long this would take, and there could even be a time difference between this dimension and home. With your luck, a few minutes here could be much longer there. What if you were missing for days? Months? Years, even? If someone came to check on you, you’d have disappeared without a trace.

“I don’t want to rest,” you insisted. “I want to just go back to normal and get back to work. I’ll tell you if I need a break, okay?”

“Alright, alright,” Hala sighed, resting his hands on his hips. “I suppose you’d know yourself best. At the very least wait until tomorrow to go to Ula’ula.”

Right, in the game after going to Aether Paradise you go to Ula’ula. Sophocles’ trial was next- you’d have to watch whatever version of Youtube (Mewtwobe?) they had here and find out how battling works before then. Your stomach twisted in a knot as you remembered what else was on Ula’ula- Po Town. They couldn’t just kill you, now, but that didn’t guarantee your safety. But those worries would have to wait until tomorrow.

“I think I should get going,” you said. “C’mon Rotom, get in the bag.”

“Alright then, you go and get some good rest now, alright cousin?” he reminded you, and you could only smile and nod as you watched Rotom obediently tuck itself into your satchel. You were about to leave when you felt a hand wrap around your wrist.

“Wait!” Hau stopped you, and you were a little confused until you saw the bright white bracelet still resting in his hand. He leaned forward, snapping it closed around your wrist. His smile wasn’t half as forced this time. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

You grinned, unable to contain your affection for the young boy. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

On your way out the door, you realized you felt a little lighter than you had coming in. Things certainly weren’t going to be easy, but at least you (sort of) had a plan now. Get to the end of the game; it shouldn’t be too hard, right? Pokémon was a kid’s game, and you’d played it more than once at this point. Battling should be a piece of cake.

_ Well, it will be after I learn to battle. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> howdy! i'm not dead! writing has been hard as hell lately, not to mention that this chapter (while planned) was very difficult for me, so sorry if this reads a little strangely. oh, sidenote, the apple thing has context that would take too long to explain but i hope it's as funny as i think it is. if you're interested in updates or wips or just general Funny Shit, i'm gonna try to use my twitter more for that kind of thing, so follow me @officerslumlord for all that. i'm gonna try to be more consistent with posting too, but school's starting up so you know how it is. but i'll be trying! and that's what counts. anyway, hope y'all enjoyed, i promise guzma will appear next chapter. i missed him too much to not have him come around lmaoooo


	3. Chapter 3

Battling was the biggest pain in the ass _ ever. _

First of all, you had absolutely no clue which pokéball belonged to which pokémon, and you had to label them with stickers. Second of all, it was like the anime and not the games, meaning you had to memorize everything, and there were no levels or health bars. Third of all, there was no bigger ego killer than losing to a six-year-old trainer in front of Hau.

Thankfully, something good did come out of the lonely Friday nights you spent playing _ Pokémon Moon _ instead of going outside. You found that memorizing the movesets of your pokémon was actually not all that hard with practice, and with a few days of practice you were (at least, according to Hau) back to normal. That did kind of make you feel bad for the actual player character- if their skill level was on par with yours at this point in the game, they were _ not _ on the track to becoming the league champion. Not that they even knew about the league yet, anyways. You had arrived in this world before the cutscene by the observatory where Kukui tells you about the league- and speaking of which, you were headed up Route 10 now.

After a handful of obligatory battles, you found yourself striding up to the bus stop while flipping through a pamphlet you picked up at the tourist center. You traced your finger over the island map, tracing the routes in the order you’d be taking them. First you’d take on Sophocles, and after you beat him you’d have to go through Acerola, and after that… your finger hovered over the Aether House. You’d have to see some Aether workers pretty soon, not to mention Plumeria and some grunts if the game timeline stayed true. You felt your stomach turn as you remembered the cornerstone of every Guzma x Reader fanfiction: the famed stolen Yungoos.

You’d have to go back into the Shady House to rescue that little kid’s Yungoos after beating Acerola’s trial. You’d have to see _ him _again. Oh no, and the Malie Garden event where you were supposed to meet him was even sooner than that; wasn’t it after Sophocles’ trial? The thought alone almost made you turn tail and hide in some tall grass with a Caterpie or two. Were you even ready to face him again? Would he just shoot you on the spot? No, no, even if he had a gun this was still a kid’s game. He wasn’t as much of a Frolo-type villain as he was a Captain Hook-type villain. But, then again, he didn’t have a reputation to uphold like Lusamine did.

“Ouch!” you exclaimed, knocked from your rather dark ponderings by a sudden collision. You should have been watching where you were going. “S-sorry, dude.”

“Nah, nah, you’re good,” a muffled voice replied, and you looked up to feel your blood run ice cold. Two young teens, one with blue hair and the other fire-engine red, dressed in monochrome uniforms looked back at you, confusion crossing their faces. Dammit, not this shit again.

“Y-yo, isn’t she the one who was in the mansion a few days ago?” the redheaded grunt stage whispered to his friend, and the other one looked you up and down.

“Who?” The redhead furrowed his brow and crossed his arms.

“The boss was steamin’ over it, man, dontcha remember? She kicked him in the balls and jumped off the balcony.” The other grunt scratched his head, squinting his eyes and focusing so hard you could almost hear the nothing that was going on in his head.

“Nah. Don’t remember it.”

“She wasn’t wearing any pants?” Your face burned slightly at the reminder of your shredded dignity. At least you weren’t wearing period panties or something that day.

“Oh, yeah, her! I remember now!” The redhead slapped his friend on the shoulder, making him whine. “Yo, what was that for?!”

“That’s really the reason you remember? That’s fuckin’ gross, man.” The grunt frowned behind his bandanna. “You think Big Sis Plumeria would be happy to hear you say shit like that?”

“No…”

“We gotta respect women, yo. Apologize for bein’ nasty.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am.”

“Uh, it’s fine, I guess,” you replied quickly. This was not how the in-game interaction went, not by a long shot. “I’m just gonna take a different bus, I think.”

“Yo, hold up, we got a bone to pick with you!” The redhead suddenly straightened up, seemingly shaken out of teacher mode. “I dunno why you were at the Shady House, but the boss told us to be on the lookout for you!”

“What did he say to do when you found me?” you asked nervously, feeling your stomach drop onto the ground.

“He said to- uh, he said… yo, did he ever say what he wanted us to do?” The grunt dropped his voice a level lower and looked over to his friend.

“Nah, he just said to watch for her,” he replied, shrugging. The redhead’s brows furrowed as he scratched the back of his neck.

“Well, he, uh, _ probably _wanted us to beat her down, right?”

“He usually says things like that.” Aw man, you really didn’t want to battle these kids. Even compared to trainers closer to their age, in-game they were never too much of a challenge. It always made you feel kind of bad beating them, since you were taking money that you knew they needed way more than you would.

“I mean if he never clarified, can we maybe _ not _ do that?” you inquired quietly, and the grunts shared a look.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to.”

Silence.

“Uh, okay, I guess.”

_ Did that actually fucking work? _Your disbelief was somewhat drowned out by your relief. You checked your watch- damn, the bus wouldn’t be here for another fifteen minutes. Now at a loss for what to do, the two kids idled in front of you quietly.

“So, what are you two doing here?” you asked, racking your brain on how to make appropriate small talk.

“We were gonna steal this bus stop- ouch! I mean, uh, nothin’.” The denser of the kids rubbed his side where his friend had elbowed him into silence. That’s right, there _ was _ no way to make appropriate small talk when Team Skull was involved. Although, there was always a question that plagued your mind.

“What would do you even need to steal the bus stop for?”

“I mean,” the redhead, knowing the jig was up, rubbed his chin over his bandanna contemplatively. “Just to send a message. Like, to cause trouble ‘n stuff. The boss does get pretty mad at us when we bring the bus stops back to the Shady House, though.”

“You’ve actually managed to _ steal _ bus stops?”

“Sure have!” he replied pridefully, and you could tell from the glimmer in his eyes he was grinning. You couldn’t help but let the laughter bubbling up inside you to spill out, and he suddenly frowned. “Hey, don’t make fun of us! We’re Team Skull, yo, we don’t take no shit from nobody!”

“Sorry, sorry, I’m not laughing at you,” you apologized, shaking your head. “I admire your spirit. You’re very passionate, I appreciate that.”

“Thank you!” he chirped, dismay lost. “Since you asked us a question, can I ask you one?”

“Sure, go ahead.” There was still a good amount of time to kill, no harm in having a friendly conversation, even if the kids were canonical hooligans.

“What were ya doing in the Shady House?” Scratch that, there was harm in having a friendly conversation.

“You see, I uh- well, I was just…” You kind of understood how Lusamine must have felt when you’d asked her the same thing. It almost made you feel bad for her. Not really, though.

“I’m askin’ because a lotta the Team Skull members are like me, and are real respectful, but a lot are like _ him, _” He pointed with mild annoyance to his blue-haired buddy, who was staring off into space beside him. “And there’s been some rather unsavory rumors flyin’ around about why you were in the boss’s room with no pants on.”

You looked at him, a little confused. “What do you mean?”

“Y’know, like,” he gestured vaguely with his hands, turning a little pink in the face. Oh, so that’s how it was. “People are saying Madam Prez walked in on you.”

“Walked in on me doing what? I don’t think I understand.” A mischievous smile spread across your face as you waited for him to answer. Instead, the young boy turned redder and began to splutter, and after a minute you couldn’t hold in your snickers anymore. He realized the trick you were playing and turned one shade darker, scowling. “I’m just playing, I’m sorry.”

“Well, what _ were _you doing there?”

“I was, um… playing strip poker.” _ Strip poker? Really? That’s the best we could do? _

“You and the boss and Madam Prez were all playin’ strip poker?” The other grunt piped in, seemingly intrigued by the mental image. “Madam Prez must be really good, she still had everything on.”

“Yeah, she’s got a hell of a poker face,” you said, chuckling nervously. To your immense relief, the boys just shrugged, seemingly taking the lie at face value. Thank God they were stupid.

“Well, I guess if you were playin’ with the boss, you must be cool. My name’s Gael, and that’s Cortez,” he said cheerfully, pulling his bandanna down and shooting you a wide, gap-toothed smile. “He’s my little brother.”

“We’re twins, we’re only a few minutes apart!” Cortez retorted, yanking down his own bandanna and frowning. Now that you could see their faces, they did look rather similar. Gael’s nose was a little crooked, but if you squinted they were practically identical. Aside from their brightly colored hair, that is.

“How old are you two?” You asked, smile playing at the corners of your mouth. They really were a cute pair of kids.

“Eighteen in three weeks,” Cortez said, and he prepared to say something else when a familiar voice stopped him short. You saw the boys’ faces pale, and you spun around to come face to face with Kukui barrelling towards you at mildly concerning speeds.

“Hey! What’s going on over here!” Kukui called skidding to a halt beside you, voice not unfriendly but booming. You knew it was just his normal, nearly Hau-levels of energy, but it seemed to put your new friends on edge.

“Nothin’ concernin’ you, old man!” Cortez barked, yanking his bandanna back over his face. He would have seemed a little more intimidating if his voice hadn’t cracked halfway through the sentence. “We’re outta here, yo!”

He snatched up his brother’s hand, tugging him along behind him as he bolted. Gael smiled wide before he pulled his own bandanna up, waving enthusiastically at you until they were out of sight.

“Those kids,” Kukui muttered, shaking his head. He gently set down his hand on your shoulder, and looked at you with the epitome of a Dad Face™. “They weren’t harassing you, were they? I wouldn’t want them to have thrown you off before your first trial back.”

“No, no, we were just talking, really.” His concern was very sweet. The more time you spent with him, the more you realized the paternal affections he held for the young player character were still in full swing when it came to you. If he and Burnet had a kid, he’d make a great dad. “They were nice.”

“They didn’t try to steal your pokémon or anything, cuz?” he asked, not even attempting to hide his shock.

“Nope. Maybe they forgot?” you said, shrugging with a smile. He didn’t have to know about your conversation with them; nobody knew about your little visit to Po Town, and that’s the way you wanted to keep it. The less they knew, the easier it would be to get home. Speaking of which, your ride to unlocking the next step in getting there was pulling up. It slowed to a stop, and the door opened to reveal a sunshiny man in the driver’s seat.

“You are welcome aboard the Exeggutor Express!” he chirped with a wave. “Our safe driving record will absolutely slay you! Come on, come on, climb in!”

This guy _ really _seemed to like his job, but hey, good for him. You clambered on board, and sat down, scooting over to the window so Kukui could squeeze in beside you. The bus puttered over to the entrance, waiting for the striped, black-and-yellow bar to lift.

“How long does the ride take?” you asked, eager to talk and think about something else. Your nerves were starting to get the best of you. You really didn’t want to lose this trial.

“Ten, fifteen minutes. Mount Hokulani is the second tallest mountain in Alola, so it takes a little while to get there. It’s faster by Ride Pager,” he said.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you mumbled sheepishly. “I didn’t mean to trap you in here if you could have just flown up to the top.”

“No, no, I didn’t want you to go by yourself.” He smiled, and clapped your shoulder with a friendly (albeit a little rough) hand. “You alright? You seem a little on edge, cuz.”

“Yeah, I’m good,” you replied, rather unconvincingly. You couldn’t help but wonder what would happen to you if you lost this trial. The threat of a delay terrified you- what if you couldn’t get home in time? A year in this world could be a hundred back home. If that was true, a small part of you wondered, what would be the point in going back? Everybody you knew would be dead, anyhow, if not everybody in general. Y’know, climate change and shit. Your lips pursed as you contemplated it; you still needed to try to get home as quickly as you could, even if there might not be a point. But, then again…

“Cuz? You listening?” Kukui’s inquisition shook you out of your cyclical internal argument and you jerked up (not hitting your head this time by some miracle).

“Uh, sorry! Could you repeat that last part?” You smiled sheepishly, rubbing your arm through your sweater. It was normally pretty hot in Alola, but you’d been told to dress warmly since the peak of Mount Hokulani could get pretty chilly. It was nice to wear something other than t-shirts and shorts. You suddenly realized you’d begun to space out again when you caught sight of Kukui’s frowning face a few inches from your own.

“Are you absolutely sure you’re okay?” he said, sounding more worried than accusatory. You nodded, but he remained decidedly unconvinced. “Are you getting homesick?”

You jolted, nearly falling out of your seat. Did he _ know? _ You’d tried to tell him a few more times about where you were really from, but each time ended in minor disaster after minor disaster. How could he have figured it out? “I- uh, how did you find me out?”

“We are pretty far from Kanto,” he said with a laugh. Your heart sank a little in your chest; that’s right, the player character was from Kanto. You really wished you had someone you could talk to about this, but as far as you had tried you couldn’t tell anyone. At least not directly. “Anything I can do to help?”

“Uh, maybe you can!” you said, an idea popping into your head. Maybe it wasn’t the greatest idea to risk this while in a moving vehicle currently speeding up a cliffside, but whatever. “Let’s say that you’re really far from home- so far you’re not sure if you can get back. And to be in this place, you’re replacing someone else who lived there. The only way for them to come back to their home is if you go back and get them… but by the time you get there to replace them, it may already be too late.”

Kukui looked at you curiously. “What do you mean by too late?”

The bus creaked dangerously, and you yelped as the bus hit a particularly deep pothole. The bus driver turned and said something about the road being a little rocky due to nearby construction with an apologetic smile. You smiled back, but it felt like you were about to have a heart attack.

“Like, it’ll have been so long it won’t be your home anymore, and the person might not even be around anymore,” you explained quickly. This was maybe not your brightest idea. “Would you hurry back home, even if it isn’t worth it anymore? Or would you give up, and leave the other person far from where they belong?”

“Hmm…” Kukui crossed his arms, furrowing his brows as he pondered the situation. From an outside perspective, it was a little strange to have asked him such a thing, but you couldn’t think of anyone else you’d rather ask. It just felt right. “That’s a tough situation. And a really weird one. What’s this for, again?”

“I’m, um, writing a story,” you lied, smiling tightly. When in doubt, pretend you’re a writer. That can get you out of some sticky situations regarding strange search history. You felt your heart jump into your throat as the bus experienced slight turbulence. _ I’m trying my best here, universe! _

“Oh, alright,” Kukui said, crossing his arms. “I think if it were me, I’d focus on getting home as fast as I could. If I thought too hard about what might happen or how things could go wrong, it’d only slow me down. Sometimes there’s nothin’ to it but to do it, cuz.”

“I guess you’re right,” you said with a sigh. That was some solid advice. You couldn’t let your anxieties get the best of you, especially not now when the stakes were so high. Although it wasn’t like you’d made a monumental discovery or anything, you still felt a little lighter having gotten that off your chest, albeit in a roundabout way. And the bus was still driving along the narrow road and not upside down at the base of a cliff, so this method must have been acceptable. The universe was so fickle here.

Your internal musings on the nature of this world were interrupted by the familiar creak of the bus stopping. Your stomach dropped to the floor when you peered out the window to a vaguely familiar observatory, and you sucked in a shaky breath.

“You nervous, cuz?” Kukui inquired, and resisting the urge to simple shrug him off you nodded. “You got this. And even if you don’t, you can always come back and try again. I’ll be right here when you’re done, no matter how you do. Okay?”

“Okay,” you replied quietly, feeling simultaneously soothed and embarrassed. You looked up at him, flashing a nervous smile before getting up and following him off the bus. The bus driver’s cheerful farewell was lost to you as Molayne straightened up by the entrance. This was actually happening.

Everything before you stood in front of the door that held your very first trial was foggy and dreamlike. Kukui was right next to you; you didn’t remember him coming this far with you when you were in the game, but then again, the player character never really externally appeared nervous. You, on the other hand, kind of looked like a whole mess. He gently squeezed your shoulder, and you quickly glanced up and met his eyes.

_ Nothin’ to it but to do it, cuz! _ You could almost hear him as he smiled down at you. Ever so slightly, your shoulders untensed. That’s right. You had to do it. Sophocles is a kid. His trial isn’t even that hard, really. Focus on the task at hand. The result doesn’t matter right now. just get it done.

“Alright. Let’s get this bread.”

“Bread? Where? What does that mean?”

“Y’know, like when you- actually, never mind, the moment’s gone. Let’s go.”

* * *

The deadbolt on the front door stuck a little bit whenever you tried to close it, and you were too tired to put in the effort to shove your body against the door to get it in the specific position that would make it properly lock. What did it matter? Literally nobody in any Pokémon game ever locked their front doors. They just let random wandering children get in their houses and smell their beds. Well, you could only assume your player character wasn’t the only trainer wandering into people’s homes.

You yanked off your sweater, took about two steps, and yanked off your pants, too. Man, it was nice before the afternoon hit, but the warm clothes were making you sweat like a whore in church in the hot Alolan night. You bent down and rifled around in your bag, letting all your pokémon free before collapsing face down on the couch. You felt a familiar beak poking at your neck and you gave Percy a few half-hearted, blind pats.

“You did so good, bud!” you said, and it let out a pleased coo. “Man, I can’t believe we did it. We won our first trial!”

Blitz let out a triumphant cheer somewhere near the kitchen, and Percival twittered to itself. _ I believe it, Sophocles was twelve. You just have anxiety, _ you could almost hear it saying. Well, maybe you were just projecting.

The trial wasn’t really even hard, but the whole time you were tense. You made a few mistakes, but in the end you walked away from the trial victorious without too much of a struggle. Afterwards, and ecstatic Kukui forced you to go celebrate over dinner with him, Hala, Lillie, and Hau, and you had been really tempted to turn him down. After all, even though it wasn’t a hard trial, the anxiety sucked up all your energy. But it was free dinner. Speaking of energy, you could hear Blitz quietly padding over to the couch. Usually, it was at 110% all the time, but even after getting healed up at the pokécenter it was drained. Maybe it was just as anxious as you had been.

It hopped up onto the couch, curling up near your head. Absentmindedly, you wondered where everybody else was. Princess was definitely in the bathtub again. You could hear the water running. How it had learned to run the water you would never know. Anthrax had probably snuck out of the house with Snapdragon; you weren’t sure how they got out yet, but you always found them mucking around underneath the house when all the windows and doors had been closed. Rest assured, though, they never missed the opportunity to get under your sheets and put their cold little reptile bodies all up in your business when it was time for bed.

Percy cooed to itself, and tucked its feathered head into its wing. _ Owls are nocturnal. Poor thing must be absolutely exhausted. _ To be fair, you were too. You needed to kick Princess out of the bathtub to take a quick shower before passing the hell out. Or maybe you could just take a quick nap on the couch. Just a little nap… not very long… just to rest the eyes…

_ Bam bam bam! _ Percival let out a shocked squawk, and your eyes flew wide open. Who the hell was at the door now? Hau, probably. He seemed worried when you were so tired. _ I really don’t wanna get the door. Maybe he’ll just think I’m asleep. _

_ Bam bam bam! _ Nope. Come to think of it, it sounded suspiciously loud to be Hau. The boy was strong, sometimes unnaturally so, but not this aggressive. Man, why wouldn’t this guy piss off already? Blitz had its little ears flattened underneath its paws, its face scrunched up in dismay at its interrupted beauty sleep.

_ Bam! Bam! Bam! _

“Jesus, leave already!” you muttered to yourself. You rolled over, pushing yourself up and off the couch. If you couldn’t get a good night’s sleep on your own couch, you would have to do it in your bed. You’d take cold reptiles over this. But before you could take even one step in the direction of your bedroom, you heard a muffled string of curses before your front door flew wide open.

“Ay, what is it with you and bein’ half-naked when I’m around?”

That voice. That giant silhouette in the doorway. The barely visible, cocky sneer underneath a mop of fried, bleached-to-death white hair.

“You gonna let me in?”

“You got me _ all the way _fucked up if you think I’m gonna do that.”

“What the hell did you just say to me?”

Without a moment more of hesitation, you marched forward and slammed the door in his face, this time forcing your body against the door and turning the deadlock as hard as you could. Nope. Not tonight. You heard him bang on the door again, then silence.

You had just picked up your clothes from the floor when Percy started squawking like the guard owl it is, and you spun around to see Guzma standing outside the (locked) glass door with his arms crossed. “Oh, come _ on!” _

Could you just ignore him? Go on with your night like he wasn’t there? It would be kind of funny, but judging by the look in his eye that would probably just lead to breaking and entering.

“Ay, if you don’t let my ass in I’mma start yellin’ so loud they gon’ hear me in Kanto!” he warned. His speaking voice was loud enough to penetrate the barrier of a glass door, and you cringed to think of what he would sound like when he actually tried to be loud. “Five seconds, sweetheart!”

“Will you just leave me alone?”

“Five!”

You rolled your eyes. Asshole.

“Four!”

Before, he had seemed so intimidating. Now he just seemed like a douche. Although, you did knee him in the balls, so he had a little bit of a right to be mad.

“Three!”

Was he seriously going to wake up all of Alola just to talk to you? And he must be here to talk to you, because he could easily shoot through the glass door if his aim were to kill you. That made you feel a little better, at least.

“Two!”

Damn it. Grumbling, you pulled on your sweater and hopped over to the door while pulling on your pants. They were kind of sweaty. Ew. He went silent as you picked up the wooden rod that kept the door from sliding open, and smugly pushed the door aside.

“You are an asshat of biblical proportions,” you declared, pointing the rod in his face. He snorted and walked past you to take a seat on your couch. Like he belonged there. 

“Yo, can your bird stop starin’ at me like that? Shit’s creepy,” he mumbled, gesturing to Percival, which looked like it might release an avalanche of sharp feathers in his direction at any given moment.

This was gonna be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [walks in 4 months late with an iced coffee]  
who wants a fucking update
> 
> sorry guys, my "can't even manage to brush her teeth at night and put on pants" ass is still alive. i'm still guzmaposting on main. y'all know how it is. i still post a lotta guzma art on my twitter (@officerslumlord) so if y'all are thirsting that's the place to go. trust me i'm not letting this story go i felt so shit abandoning my last story so if anything this fic is going to my fucking grave with me
> 
> y'all i just wanna say that like. i love y'all. i love y'alls comments. i love y'alls kudos. i read everything you send me and it means so much to me to see people enjoying what i created. thank you so much for being so patient and supportive and cool. you're literal godsends. my dumb ass would not be here writing at all if y'all weren't so absolutely amazing. i got final exams literally tomorrow and also i'm going to find a job (read: i'm growing up ew) but i still wanna make time for writing because y'all are so baller. thank you and please tell me how fucked up the last part of this chapter is in your comments because i'm so tired rn and i could not even proofread if i tried. hope y'all liked gael and cortez because they are not my only team skull ocs and their dumbasses will return

**Author's Note:**

> this whole fic is inspired by Plotpoint by Ghosthost, which you can read here:  
https://archiveofourown.org/works/12983301/chapters/29682174
> 
> please tell me what you thought about this chapter, I read every comment and I appreciate your feedback!


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